You Are Not Alone

Resta di darmi noia,

pensier crudo e fallace,

ch'esser non può già mai quel che a te piace!

Morta è per me la gioia,

onde sperar non lice

d'esser mai più felice.

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English Translation:

Cease giving me trouble, 

cruel and deceitful thought. 

for what you desire can never be. 

Joy is dead to me, 

therefore I'm allowed no hope

of ever being happy again.

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my crying come unto Thee.

Deep river,

My home is over Jordan.

Deep river Lord,

I want to cross over into campground.

‍

Don’t you want to go

To that gospel feast,

That promised land where all is peace

The tulips are too excitable, it is winter here.

Look how white everything is, how quiet, how snowed-in.   

I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly

As the light lies on these white walls, this bed, these hands.   

I am nobody; I have nothing to do with explosions.   

I have given my name and my day-clothes up to the nurses   

And my history to the anesthetist and my body to surgeons.

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I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted

To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.

How free it is, you have no idea how free——

The peacefulness is so big it dazes you.

Before they came the air was calm

Then the tulips filled it up like a loud noise.

Now the air snags and eddies round them  

They concentrate my attention the way a river

Snags and eddies around a sunken, rusted engine

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The tulips are too red in the first place, they hurt me.

Their redness talks to my wound, it corresponds.

They are subtle : they seem to float, though they weigh me down, 

A dozen red lead sinkers round my neck.

‍

The tulips should be behind bars like dangerous animals;

They are opening like the mouth of some great African cat,   

And I am aware of my heart: it opens and closes.

It’s a bowl of red blooms, out of sheer love of me.

The water I taste is warm, and salt, like the sea,

And comes from a country far away as health.

It will be four years in May

Her addiction’s a quick fix to feeling better, feeling normal

Every once in awhile she comes back

‍

I took eighteen of them

I don’t know if I was really trying to kill myself

These hands, they sleep

‍

I was there for three years off and on

She wants everything

At some point you have to live

Sittin’ in a big white room alone

Tilt my head back, feel the tears fall down

Close my eyes to see in the dark.

I feel young, broken, so, so scared.

I don’t wanna be here anymore,

I wanna be somewhere else

Normal and free, like I used to be

But I have to stay in this big white room

With little old me

‍

I’m going crazy

I’m losing my mind

I’m going crazy

In this big white room of mine

‍

Sitting in a big white room alone

Close the door

Don't want the pain to come in

I clench my fist

And try to stay strong

I cry, feel sick

My heart is beating out of control

Can I run run faster than you

I wanna feel my body again

Feel the wind in my hair

‍

But I have to stay in this big white room

'Cause no one else cares, no

‍

I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine

‍

Everybody's looking at me

Everybody's staring at me

What do I do now

Smile, yeah

‍

I'm going crazy

I'm losing my mind

I'm going crazy

In this big white room of mine

The child within shows not a glimpse of pain.

Holding all of it in,

Mighty child refrain.

‍

The powers that be are all a bit insane

Swallowing what us free

Cutting off the main.

‍

You can’t have known you ran to hide.

And now you’ve grown

Your memories died.

‍

Conform he must fall in and stay in line

He won’t betray their trust

His needs must realign

‍

They push and shove

their spirit is confined

Keep searching out for their love

And they will be just fine

‍

You can’t have known

You ran to hide

And now you’ve grown

Your memories died

‍

And when you’ve truly grown

You’ll know you’re not alone 

‍

It’s time to free my body and my mind

The happier I’ll be

When nurturing is mine

Be calm, provide

With my tenderness to give

The hurting will subside

And I’ll be free to live

‍

I can’t have known

You simply ran to hide

And now that I have grown

I know I’m not alone

No! Don’t go!

‍

Don’t let your worst day be your last.

The storm is strong, but it will pass.

You think you can’t go on another day,

but please stay. Just stay.

‍

Hope is real. Help is real.

You are breath, you are life,

you are beauty, you are light.

‍

Your story is not over.

You are not a burden to anyone.

‍

Please stay. Just stay.

You find yourself here,

different somehow,

learning to build a life worth living.

You carry it home.

​

You learn to abandon what isn't important,

to sit still,

to stay in one place.

​

You learn to watch over yourself

when there's no one else

to watch over,

and no one to watch over you.

​

You see yourself reflected;

you learn to love what you see.

You live with yourself,

you live.

​

You find yourself here,

different somehow,

learning to build a life worth living.

You carry it home.

Have you ever felt like nobody was there?

Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?

Have you ever felt like you could disappear?

Like you could fall, and no one would hear?

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Well, let that lonely feeling wash away

Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay

‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand

You can reach, reach out your hand

‍

And oh, someone will coming running

And I know, they’ll take you home

‍

Even when the dark comes crashing through

When you need a friend to carry you

And when you’re broken on the ground

You will be found

So let the sun come streaming in

'Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again

Lift your head and look around

You will be found

‍

There’s a place where we don’t have to feel unknown

And every time that you call out

You’re a little less alone

If you only say the word

From across the silence

Your voice is heard

‍

Even when the dark comes crashing through

When you need a friend to carry you

And when you’re broken on the ground

You will be found

So let the sun come streaming in

'Cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again

Lift your head and look around

You will be found

‍

Out of the shadows

The morning is breaking

And all is new, all is new

It's filling up the empty

And suddenly I see that

All is new, all is new

You are not alone